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Become Assertive

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Do you lack confidence when trying to be assertive?

Gain confidence while being assertive.

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Do you struggle with being assertive and clear?

Learn to express thoughts clearly and assertively.

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Is it hard for you to stay calm while being assertive?

Stay calm while being assertive.

Based on your answers we recommend you work on

Stay confident while being assertive Being clear and assertive Stay calm while being assertive

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Reflect to reach a resolution

Problem

We often think assertive communication is only about stating our own needs. This can make the other person feel unheard and lead to arguments.

Solution

Using reflection is an effective tool for reaching a resolution in a difficult conversation. When reflecting, you summarize and share what you believe the other person is saying (“What I’m hearing you say is …” or “It sounds to me like …”). This is a good way to seek clarification, confirm your understanding, and get more information.

Benefits

“Reflecting” is an active listening skill that can help you have healthier conversations, make the other person feel heard, and reduce arguments.

Listen Better: 5 Essential Phrases for Active/Reflective Listening

Reflective Listening: Relationship and Communication Skills

Use body language to communicate

Problem

When we communicate, our body language often says more than our words. Unassertive body language can weaken our position.

Solution

Assertive body language is a key part of communicating your stance effectively. This includes maintaining eye contact, maintaining upright posture, facing the person you’re talking to, and having a neutral or positive facial expression. You want to appear completely sure of the point you are making.

Benefits

Using body language to communicate can make you feel confident and also non verbally communicate things to the other person. You then appear non-submissive and self assured. A person with assertive body language automatically commands attention and respect.

Your body language may shape who you are | Amy Cuddy

Body Language Expert Explains How to Show Confidence | WIRED

Determine boundaries

Problem

Sometimes we aren’t sure of what we want if we haven’t set clear boundaries. This may make it harder for us to communicate assertively and clearly. Not knowing our boundaries can make us feel distressed and confused.

Solution

A good way to start is by setting healthy boundaries around yourself and your life. It’s the line between what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with and what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable to you.

Benefits

Knowing your boundaries helps you communicate with others more clearly about your needs and wants. It also helps to maintain emotional and mental well being because you feel more confident when being assertive and communicate with more conviction.

Good boundaries free you | Sarri Gilman | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries

9 Signs of Poor Boundaries | MedCircle x Dr Ramani

Start small

Problem

When learning to be assertive, we may experience discomfort and anxiety. Learning a new skill and tackling major situations at the same time can be very difficult. When we don’t take smaller steps to start off with, it can be very overwhelming.

Solution

It’s a great idea to start practicing assertiveness in smaller situations first. You may want to start by expressing yourself in less anxious and low risk situations so you can have more control. Don’t leap into high anxiety situations on the first go, and always take baby steps until you’ve gained more confidence.

Benefits

This will help you try out your assertive skills and gain more understanding about what works best for you. It can also help you be more confident and self assured when tackling difficult conversations.

Assertive Training Video - The Gift of Assertiveness - Make small assertive changes

Self disclosure

Problem

People can’t understand our stance if they don’t have information about our thoughts, feelings, and expectations. In this case, our stance may seem more aggressive than assertive.

For example, saying “I will not do the task you have asked me to do” may create more conflict than necessary.

Solution

Giving adequate information to the other person via self disclosure is a great way to tackle this problem. This involves communicating to the other person how we feel, think, and react given the situation. This gives the other person a clear understanding of your perspective.

For example, saying “ I have a lot of tasks assigned already and I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I cannot take on another task at the moment” makes space for conversation instead of conflict.

Benefits

This kind of response helps you have a mature and meaningful conversation with the person instead of creating a conflict. There will be more clarity in this case, which can help avoid misunderstandings or seeming aggressive.

Self Disclosure - Be Better: Improving Communication Skills

Ask for more time

Problem

In the process of reaching a resolution, we may put our needs aside and make a compromise. We may not be able to be assertive and reach a “win-win” situation when feeling overwhelmed in situations like these.

Solution

A technique to combat this problem is asking for more time. You must let the person know that you want to take some time and think about a resolution other than the one that they are providing you with. It's best to not say something straight away.

Benefits

This can help us consider a solution and decide whether it takes our needs into consideration. We may be able to assert ourselves better once we evaluate the situation at hand.

Speak about the discrepancy

Problem

There may be times when people’s behavior doesn’t match their words. This can lead to conflict and make us anxious about how to come to a good enough resolution without being aggressive.

Solution

One way to approach a situation like this is by pointing out the discrepancies. Discrepancy assertion works by pointing out a discrepancy between what has previously been agreed and what is actually happening.

For example, "As I understand it, we agreed that Project A was top priority. Now you're asking me to give more time to Project B. I'd like to clarify which is now the priority."

Benefits

This is useful for clarifying whether there is a misunderstanding or a contradiction, and when a person’s behavior doesn’t match their words. It also allows us to communicate our frustrations in a healthier manner.

Be direct

Problem

When speaking about our needs and expectations, we sometimes beat around the bush. This tends to make our communication less effective and the other person may lose the essence of what we want to say as a result.

Solution

A key point here is to use direct communication, which involves stating your needs right at the beginning of the conversation in an assertive manner.

For example, you tell your coworker that you cannot help them with their task instead of explaining to them how you have a lot of pending work.

Benefits

This helps the other person clearly see your point of view without any confusion. Things aren’t left open to interpretation, which can cause more arguments. This way, your point of view gets communicated firmly and is effectively understood.

Workable compromise

Problem

When in complicated situations, we may find it difficult to stand our ground and communicate our needs effectively.

Solution

An effective technique to try in situations like these is making a workable compromise. When you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect.

If you’re interviewing for a job and the employer says your salary request is too high, you can keep the conversation moving forward by saying: “My goal is to find a number that works for both of us. How can we get there?”.

Benefits

This will help the other person understand your openness to having a constructive conversation. It also means you can stand your ground firmly and still get a good deal for yourself.

How to Compromise in Relationships (5 Types of Compromise)

Use “I” statements

Problem

When firmly communicating what we feel, we may find ourselves using “you” statements. This can make the other person feel a sense of blame, which in turn only causes aggravation.

For example, saying “You always cut me off”.

Solution

Using “I” statements to be more assertive is a non confrontational way of effectively communicating your stance without causing offense.

For example, you may want to say, “ I feel disrespected when you cut me off”.

Benefits

This helps you take responsibility for your feelings instead of blaming the other party, while still being assertive. It can then lead to a healthier conversation as the other person is not on the defensive. It puts things in a “matter of fact way”.

Practice saying “no”

Problem

We may find it hard to turn down requests on a daily basis. This only makes us feel overburdened and exhausted. We then find ourselves feeling frustrated and bogged down.

Solution

Simply saying ”No” is definitely one technique you want to keep handy! This means that if you are being asked to do things at an inconvenient time or to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you tell the person, “No, unfortunately I won’t be able to help you right now”, or, “No, I don’t feel comfortable with that.”.

Benefits

Doing this means you know your own limits and helps you do your own tasks more effectively. You will feel more in control and less burdened by other people’s requests, and also be able to value your own time and maintain a healthier balance.

The Art of Saying No: Kenny Nguyen at TEDxLSU

The broken record

Problem

Communicating assertively and maintaining your stance can be quite challenging when you’re in an argument. It can be particularly distressing when people continue to argue and refuse to listen to what you have to say. This can often happen if you don’t repeat yourself and hold your stance effectively.

Solution

An effective way to maintain your stance is with the broken record technique. It involves being persistent and saying what you want over and over again without ever getting irritated, angry, or loud; you simply stick to your point.

This makes your response firm and clear. It tends to work well in situations in which people want to argue, refuse to listen, are non-compliant with treatment, forgetful, or disorganized.

Benefits

This way, people will get your message without feeling threatened and your message still gets reinforced.

Fogging technique

Problem

During arguments, people often communicate in an aggressive manner. This can lead to us ending up in a loop of arguments without being able to stand our ground.

Solution

Fogging is an effective technique for when the other person is communicating aggressively or being argumentative. It works by agreeing rather than disagreeing with them. It’s a way of sidestepping their issue while retaining your viewpoint and integrity by agreeing with some part of what they say.

For example, if someone said to you: "You behaved pretty stupidly in that meeting. What were you thinking?". Rather than enter conflict, you could try to fog them by replying: "Yes, I can see that you think it was a pretty stupid way to behave".

Benefits

Fogging helps to slow down a potentially unpleasant situation and give both people space, which prevents the situation from escalating. This in turn can lead to more constructive conversations and help you stand your ground.

Manage your tone

Problem

In arguments or difficult conversations, our tone can turn aggressive and intensify the conflict. It also puts the other person on the defensive, which makes things even more distressing.

Solution

Managing your tone is the key to preventing arguments from becoming explosive. You need to make sure to keep your tone even and firm, and that you speak clearly. However, your pitch must remain even; modulate your voice to convey the importance of your stance.

Benefits

This is something that helps set a healthy space for your conversations. It also ensures that arguments don’t get aggressive and distressing. This way, the other person won’t feel threatened and will be more responsive to your needs.

Vocal Branding: How Your Voice Shapes Your Communication Image | Wendy LeBorgne | TEDxUCincinnati

Tone Of Voice In Communication: How To Use It Effectively

Change your verbs

Problem

We can be anxious when trying to be assertive and use words like “ wish to” or “have to”. This makes your standpoint seem like it’s compromisable or confuses the other person.

Solution

Changing the verbs you use and improvising your language is a key to being more assertive. Try using verbs that are more definite and emphatic when you communicate. To do this, use verbs like "will" instead of "could" or "should", "want" instead of "need", or "choose to" instead of "have to”.

"For example: "I will be going on vacation next week, so I will need someone to cover my workload.", or "I want to go on this training course because I believe that it will help me to progress in my role and my career."

Benefits

This will help you to send a clear message and avoid "sugar-coating" your words and leaving people confused by what it is that you actually want from them.

Jordan Peterson | Best Advice For Agreeable People

Listen well

Problem

When in an argument, we may speak out of turn or cut people off. This can intensify the situation and make resolution more difficult.

Solution

Listening well is a great skill to develop for communicating more effectively and assertively. Communicating assertively has to be a two way thing, and a big component of this is good listening. For this, you want to make sure that you give the other person space to talk. Once you finish your sentence, stop and let the other person respond. Always let the other person finish speaking.

Benefits

This helps the other person to feel heard, and at the same time it lets you assertively state your needs when you speak. You can then reduce the intensity of the argument and reach an effective resolution in a peaceful manner.

5 ways to listen better | Julian Treasure

How To Really Listen To People | Jordan Peterson | Best Life Advice

Use silence

Problem

Arguments tend to get heated, which can make it difficult for us to communicate our needs effectively. The conversation escalates and prevents us from reaching a meaningful resolution.

Solution

Using silence is a handy technique in arguments that are aggressive. It involves using strategic pauses to redirect the conversation. If someone is lashing out at you in a meeting, for instance, take a deep breath and wait three to five seconds before responding. It can instantly stonewall aggression.

Benefits

This is an underutilized tool that can help you control the direction of any conversation and state your needs clearly. It gives both you and the other person a moment to pause and come to a resolution instead of continuing an endless argument.

Assert negative feelings

Problem

At times, we may experience negative feelings like anger, resentment, hurt, and sadness, which can lead to an outburst. This only creates further conflict that can get out of hand and be overwhelming.

Solution

We are going to try using a technique called “ Negative feeling assertion”. In a controlled and calm way, you draw attention to the undesirable effect another person's behaviour is having on you.

There are four steps to negative feeling assertion: 1. Describe the other person’s behaviour objectively. Be careful to do this without interpreting or judging. 2. Describe the impact of the person’s behaviour on you. Be specific and clear. 3. Describe your feelings. 4. State how you would prefer their behaviour to be in the future.

For example, “When you come home late without telling me beforehand, I worry that something is wrong and I feel angry. I would really appreciate it if you could ring and let me know when you’re going to be late in the future.”

Benefits

This allows you to deal with your feelings without having an uncontrolled outburst and alerting the other person to the effects of their actions on you.

Assertiveness tools - Negative assertion

How To Communicate Your Negative Emotions Intelligently

Rehearse what you want to say

Problem

Difficult conversations can make us nervous and lose track of what we want to say. Not having a clear idea about the stance we want to take can hamper our assertiveness.

Solution

Rehearsing what you want to say in a conversation beforehand is a good place to start. Say what you want to say out loud. It may also help to write it down first so you can practice from a script. You could try making an assertiveness template to prepare for difficult conversations.

Benefits

This practice can help you feel more prepared and confident. It also helps to develop assertiveness as a skill for having healthier conversations. You then feel less nervous and more in control of the situation and are able to convey your feelings and boundaries more clearly.

Role play with a friend

Problem

Assertive communication can be challenging and overwhelming. Roleplaying may seem daunting at first, and given it is a new skill it may also make us feel uncomfortable when we try it for the first time.

Solution

Roleplay can help you work toward being assertive more consistently. You can ask a friend or colleague for help before having a difficult conversation.

For example, you may want to communicate timeline issues to your boss. You can roleplay what you want to say with your colleague to help you feel comfortable in assertive shoes. It can also help build confidence in voicing your opinions.

Benefits

Roleplay can also give you the scope to improvise when communicating.

Communication Exercises - Role Play Game

Be mindful of your emotions

Problem

We may experience a lot of overwhelming emotions during difficult conversations, which become a hurdle in resolving the conflict.

Solution

Keeping your emotions in check is a great strategy for these situations. You may get angry, feel frustrated, or even want to cry, but you must keep tabs on these emotions. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself before continuing the conversation. You want to try and remain calm and voice your feelings in a firm manner.

Benefits

This will help you stay balanced and communicate more effectively. When emotions don’t get in the way while resolving a conflict, you can be more in control of yourself and stand your ground.

How mindfulness changes the emotional life of our brains | Richard J. Davidson | TEDxSanFrancisco

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Do you lack confidence?

Confidence

Do you constantly doubt yourself? Is it difficult to speak up for yourself and say how you really feel? Maybe you worry that others will judge you. People who lack self-confidence tend to be very sensitive to criticism from others yet they spend a lot of time criticizing themselves. They try to keep to themselves and shy away from situations that could make them look bad.

If you lack confidence, you need to face your fears to overcome them. With our strategies for boosting confidence, facing your fears will seem possible. We will teach you several strategies for building yourself up. As you start to recognize your true worth, you’ll feel more comfortable expressing your true self.

Do you feel depressed?

Depression

You’re alive but you’re not living. It feels like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and you’re exhausted. The feelings of sadness, worthlessness and guilt are impossible to shake. Your negative emotions are so consuming that it’s hard to be motivated to do anything, and nothing brings you joy anyway. This is how it feels to be depressed.

But there is hope for you if you struggle with depression. That hope starts with our carefully selected, science-backed strategies for depression. Our strategies will equip you with the tools you need to relieve the intense emotional pain you’re feeling. You’ll learn how to manage your strong, negative emotions so that they lose their grip over you. Over time, your enthusiasm for life will return as you rediscover and experience true joy once again.

Do you lack motivation?

Motivation

Is it hard for you to get started when you have important tasks to do? And do you find it challenging to finish what you’ve started? Being unmotivated can interfere with your work, studies, and everyday life. So, how do you get motivated to do things that feel difficult, boring, or unpleasant?

No matter what is making you feel unmotivated, you can be sure to find some tips on our platform that will work for you. Our tips will help change the way you think about and approach the tasks you have to do. Equipped with a positive mindset and some novel approaches, you can finally say goodbye to procrastination for good.

Do you struggle with time management?

Time Management

Do you wake up most mornings feeling unprepared for the day ahead? Do you tend to put off important tasks till the last minute? And do you work overtime to avoid missing important deadlines? Poor time management can cause problems in your work and personal life and cause undue stress.

Fortunately, good time management is something that can be taught and we’ve got lots of helpful strategies for you to try. Our strategies for time management will help you get organized so that you feel prepared and motivated to tackle the tasks that each new day brings. You’ll benefit from more personal time and less stress, and you’ll feel empowered having successfully completed what you need to do on time.

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Become Assertive

We will be asking you some questions to determine effective strategies to help you.

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Do you lack confidence when trying to be assertive?

Do you struggle with being assertive and clear?

Is it hard for you to stay calm while being assertive?

NO

YES

Based on your answers we recommend you work on

Please choose one to continue with

Here are some ___ strategies.

Please swipe yes to the ones you want to save.

1 / 1

Reflect to reach a resolution

Use body language to communicate

Determine boundaries

Start small

Self disclosure

Ask for more time

Speak about the discrepancy

Be direct

Workable compromise

Use “I” statements

Practice saying “no”

The broken record

Fogging technique

Manage your tone

Change your verbs

Listen well

Use silence

Assert negative feelings

Rehearse what you want to say

Role play with a friend

Be mindful of your emotions

NO

YES

Please complete the exercises for your saved strategies

Would you like to set a reminder to practice the saved strategies?

Sometimes there might be a different issues that can help you with your goal.

Would you like to look at other areas that could help you with this?

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Do you lack confidence?

Do you feel depressed?

Do you lack motivation?

Do you struggle with time management?

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YES

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